March 18, 2009
She whispered into the midnight sky...told the stars of her secret desires. How much she longed to be near him again. To hear his gentle words carress her ear as he whispered how much she means to him. To feel the strength within his arms. He could always chase away the demons. The ones that clung to her heart and soul, trying to swallow her whole. The ones that caused the lines on her wrist to appear. The ones she will always fear when she is alone. He used to make her smile. Oh how she loves to hear his laugh. She could listen to him talk for hours, or say nothing and just relax.She feels her fingers start to tremble. That old feeling was coming back. The tingling in her stomach before the ache would begin. The tears will soon begin to fall...and she will once again look for an escape. An escape from the pain. An escape from herself. From all of the memories of him. From the way he smelled...the way he tasted, his lips oh so sweet. The way he ran his fingers through her hair, and made her feel beautiful. Without him she is nothing. She does not love herself. She does not respect herself. She is only human afterall.
The metal feels cool in her sweaty hand. The magical glare is enticing...a perfect blade. Without a single flaw in it at all. She studies the blade for a while. Knowing every single detail about it. How it feels, how it looks, how it cuts. She wants to drown the blade...bury it into her skin. To see the perfect edge, make a perfect line, on her unperfect skin. To feel the release of pressure, when the blood comes forth...turning the silver blade to red. One cut just won't do, she needs more, she hungers for more. More will come.
The adreniline rush. It feels so good. Her hearts pumping. For once she feels alive...she feels so alive. It's amazing how much you can feel through pain. It's invigorating. It's self liberating. And for one moment, she doesn't think, she doesn't comprehend anything...she just exists...she just feels...and that's all she wants.